CVS - Those Bastards...

Going to CVS makes me extremely nervous. I've found that you can't go into CVS and not spend money, and it's always more than you thought you would spend. I think this might be especially true for women, because we have to buy all kinds of scary beautification products so that guys won't think we look hideous. (While claiming that they don't like women who wear too much makeup. Trust: if we all stopped wearing blush and doing our hair, there would be a manly revolt.)

Plus CVS is like Costco: they sell all kinds of shit that no one actually needs, but when you're caught up in a buying frenzy, you suddenly believe you are rich and that you desperately need a dancing Santa with flashing lights that runs on 17 D batteries and plays Jingle Bells in an endless loop. And at $34.99 it seems too good to pass up.

So basically, every time I pass the CVS or head into it, I panic. How far over budget will I go this time? Will I end up with 6 tubes of full-fat Pringles, 3 overpriced Loreal products and a ridiculously large loop of Goody hair elastics? Again? Probably. Which is how, approximately 1 week ago, I ended up with 2 boxes of CVS brand Christmas lights. (CVS brand items are the worst offenders. They sneak up on you with their yellow CVS tags screaming, "I'm on sale! And I'm so NECESSARY! And you have a CVS card! Plus, I look just like real !") Anyway, so I decided I needed these Christmas lights, called Merry Brites brand but really just CVS dressed up for the holidays. Then I got home and realized that one box was entirely unnecessary.

Paaanic time! Because my mind starts racing: Does CVS have a return policy? What is it? Where is the receipt? What if they won't take my return without the receipt?

Today I marched my $2 Merry Brites over to CVS and waited 10 minutes to return them, sans receipt. What do those dummies give me, but a CVS MoneyCard... yes that's right, they now also carry little plastic signs of the devil: gift cards. But mine only carries a balance of $2. WTF?! When was the last time I walked into CVS and only spent $2??!! This is just a ploy to get me to go in there and spend my borrowed money!! The guy actually had the nerve to call it a coupon... WHAT? It's not a coupon! It's my $2 which you have STOLEN and placed on a CVS giftcard, so that I am forced back into your evil empire in order to make use of it! Crap!

Now I have this card mocking me every time I open my wallet, and it's making me reeaaallly panicky. Spend it? Go back to CVS? What to do, what to do? Damn CVS! (And Rite Aid, and Walgreen's, and Duane Reed...)

Happy Holidays

I hate Christmas lights (see below.) They give me fits. Do Christmas lights in close proximity to tinsel start fires? Do Christmas lights start electrical fires if you leave them plugged in even though they don't work?

Why am I suddenly fire-panicked?

Did I ever tell you about that one time I left the oven on for 14 hours? Oops.

Back to those lights, I know its not a novel complaint but they really do suck.

One good thing about the holidays: old movies. AMC keeps it sooo real... currently watching Holiday Inn with Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire... oh it's good.

Except for the fact that my television is busted so it keeps flashing red and then white and then fading to nothing... Come to think of it, you don't think that could, say... start a fire?

DOI

I've decided that my panicking is just an attempt on the part of my brain to refocus my attention on things that aren't that bad. Now I bet you are staring at the screen and thinking WTF is this chick talking about?

Well, I'll explain it, dummies.

See, instead of panicking about important shit, I somehow only panic about some dumbass, stupid stuff that no one actually cares about, including ME. Example: I had an exam this morning. In a subject I think I might actuallly want to practice some day. And last night, instead of panicking over the fact that I hadn't studied and had only a few hours left before actually taking the exam, I, in my inimitable style, was panicking about whether I should get out of my nice, warm bed to walk the three feet across my living room to pull out the plug on the Christmas lights.

Doi.

Then when I woke up at 5:30 AM, I opened my eyes and immediately started freaking because I was afraid that I wouldn't have enough time to eat breakfast, watch the news, shower, dress and pack up my stuff in order to make it to the 8:15 bus to make my 9 o'clock exam... yeah, the one I had YET to study for.

Forget the fact that it is approaching one week that my rent is late, and I haven't yet gotten my hands on the cash required to pay it.

What me worry?

So I'm thinking that my brain, without my knowledge, is like "This chick is gonna lose it if I let her panic about some important shit, you know like rotten milk or getting evicted, so we'll just distract her with stupid shit like whether Christmas lights have a negative (translation:burning) effect on fake plastic trees (purchased at Target with a credit card that STILL has an outstanding balance 5 years later...) oops, oops back to the lights, back to the lights..."

Thanks, brain, for keeping it so real.